Physical
by Mesita
Summary: My muses accompany me on a trip to the doctor's office for a physical.


:: Kitzaku-san ::

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Gi Oh, Playgirl, or the Waterloo Health Center

Authoress Notes: I had to get a physical, and this popped in my head. It's my first time putting me in a story that I'm actually letting others read. It's not even a real Mary-Sue either. It's just... stupid. Besides these are Muses. They're OOC, and copies of their said selves. *^.^* So for lack of a better title...

:: Physical ::

"Ok, Li, time to leave for the doctor." Ken shook her awake at 1:00 PM.

"Wuh? My appointment isn't until 3:40."

"Oh well. Get ready." Ken left. Kitzaku grumbled a bit and opened up her closet to let out her Yami Muse and Yugi Muse. Yami was coughing for air and stumbled out first.

"Don't feed Yugi peanuts before bed!" he croaked. "He wouldn't sleep for hours."

"So that's what all that racket was..." Kitzaku shrugged.

"Well, how come you gotta sleep in until 1:00 every day?" Yugi rubbed his head. There were plenty of bumps where Yami hit him.

"It's still summer, so I Can get away with it." Kitzaku shrugged. She went about her normal routine for getting ready. And as usual, Yami had used all her Herbal Essences again and she was stuck with Finesse.

After managing to find all her clothes that Yugi _hadn't _used as a napkin, she was ready. Her musses were already at the table upstairs fighting over the Chex Mix.

"You don't eat Chex Mix for _breakfast_!" Yami grabbed it from Yugi. "That's what regular Chex is for!"

"But I _like_ Chex Mix." Yugi pouted. "And the pretzels taste good in milk."

Kitzaku rolled her eyes. "Yami, just let Yugi eat it." She opened the fridge and pulled out a re-processed meat packet. "Besides, it's too late for breakfast anyway."

Saria, Kitzaku's little sister was in the living room watching Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (I stand corrected thanks to _that_ little sister. It is _not_ Excellent Adventure.). Yugi picked up his bowl of Chex Mix and milk and sat down in the middle of the floor. "Ooo I like that Grim Reaper dude. He's sexy."

"Yugi, don't eat in the living room." Kitzaku was now rummaging through the closet for fruitsnacks.

"I won't spill any. Promise." Yugi slurped at the concoction and yes, after a while, spilled it all over the carpet. "Oops."

"_Yugi_!" Both Yami and Kitzaku dove at him with towels and the Resolve before the milk stained the carpet.

"You're such a klutz." Yami said.

Ken appeared in the living room just as they finished cleaning up. Yugi danced around Ken, making weird faces. But of course, Ken couldn't see him, because well, he was a muse. "Li, ready to leave?"

"Erm, yeah!" She nodded and motioned for her muses to follow. They crept quietly behind her to the car. It's a good thing that Kitzaku's stepfather was completely oblivious to everything because Yami and Yugi simply snuck into the backseats of the van. It would have been funny to see the look on Ken's face if he saw the doors open by themselves.

It wasn't long before they made it to the doctor's office. Yugi had somehow managed to fall asleep in the car. If there was one thing Kitzaku's Yugi Muse was famous for besides streaking, it was his funky ability to fall asleep in cars no matter how short the ride. So now, Yami was giving him a piggyback ride into the building.

"Aw, that's so sweet, Yami" Kitzaku snickered. "Malik's not around, so you don't have to impress him."

Yami just shrugged and the action caused Yugi to wake up.

"Whuuh? Mommy where's there fire? I want some shrimp scampi..." he mumbled, and then noticed they were walking towards the Waterloo Health Center. "No! Not the doctor! You can't make me!"

"Ah, shut up." Yami set the smaller muse down. "We're just comforting Kitzaku on her trip to the doctor."

Yugi wasn't convinced and since Yami wasn't being of any help, he clung to Kitzaku.

"Gosh, Yugi you're supposed to be the evil one, what happened?" Kitzaku laughed and opened the front doors. Ken went to the reception desk to meddle with all the papers.

"Well, I'm afraid of the doctor's" Yugi sniffed. Then he noticed the magazine rack in the corner. "Ooo! I wonder if they have any Playgirls."

"You're such a fag, Yugi." Kitzaku took a seat.

Yugi put on a look that imitated Yami's. "I prefer homosexual thank you."

"That's my line!" Yami defended. "Kitty, Yugi's stealing my lines."

"Yugi..." Kitzaku started. "Do that more often. It's funny to hear Yami whine."

"Yes!" Yugi cheered.

"Not fair!" Yami...well, whined.

"Here. Fill these papers out because I don't know Jack Shit about you." Ken dumped a huge stack of medical papers on Kitzaku's lap.

"Ugh- if Mother was here, I wouldn't have to worry about any of this crap." Kitzaku sighed. "Here, Yami you do it."

"Make Yugi. He's your secretary." Yami folded his arms.

"Sure..." Kitzaku said sarcastically. "I can see it now. Name: Wicked Bitch of the Northwest. Sex: Please. Age: Immature."

"Could be worse. He could have put down Sex: Ryou." Yami shrugged.

"Shut up and fill the papers out."

"Yeah, ok."

Kitzaku snatched the Playgirl from a drooling Yugi Muse. "Stop, that's bad for you."

"Aw..."

Upon snatched it, Kitzaku realized Ryou was on the front cover. "What a second, Ryou models for Playgirl?"

Yugi grinned and nodded. "So, can I have it back now?"

"Sure, but sneak it under your clothes on the way out." Kitzaku nodded and handed the magazine back to him.

"Yes! Kitzaku-san you rock!"

"Shut up. You hate me, remember?"

"Oh yeah...."

Yami finished filling out the paperwork. Kitzaku scanned it to make sure it was correct. "Er... Yami, you can't put my name down as Kitzaku."

"That's your name right?" Yami asked. Kitzaku gave him a blank stare. "Oh! Your family calls you Li. Is that your name?"

"It's actually Alicia, but Li's a nickname. Anyway, the doctor has to know my real name." Kitzaku shrugged, erased 'Kitzaku' and replaced it with 'Alicia'. "Oh, wow Yami, how'd you know my middle name?"

"Yugi told me."

"How'd he know?"

"I dunno he's your secretary."

Kitzaku turned around to ask Yugi how he found out, but he was busy stuffing a piece of paper in his mouth.

"Yugi, what are you doing?" Kitzaku asked, but she immediately answered her own question. "That's one of my memos! Gimme that!" she scanned it. "Oh! FF.Net is up again! Stellar!"

"Alicia?"

Yami poked Kitzaku's shoulder. "That's you, right? It's your turn."

"Shit..." Kitzaku stood up to face the pretty, young nurse. "Hello!"

"Hello!" She smiled back, "Here for your school physical, right?"

"Sure am!"

"Um... who are they?" The nurse pointed to Yami and Yugi who were right behind Kitzaku, looking over her shoulders.

"You can see them?"

"Yes."

"Odd... they're supposed to be invisible in public... anyway, they're my muses." Kitzaku smiled.

"Hello!" Yami shook her hand. "Lovely weather, ne?"

Yugi tugged on her jacket. "Do I have to pee in a cup?"

Kitzaku pulled Yugi away from the nurse. "You're not here for a physical. I am."

Slightly disgruntled and embarrassed, the nurse let them down the hallway. "Now please step on the scale."

Kitzaku glared at her muses. "Neither of you look. You're not supposed to now a girl's weight."

"Oh, come on, you're not fat." Yugi said.

"It's a sensitive subject!" Kitzaku bopped him on stepped on the scale.

"You sure are mean to them." The nurse said. "They seem to be such nice boys."

"You hear that? She called us nice!" Yami grinned.

"She called us boys, too!" Yugi beamed.

"Well, you _are_ a boy, idiot." Yami rolled his eyes.

After Kitzaku had been measured, the nurse led them to a room. "Now wait here and the doctor will be here in a few moments." 

"Cool! Doctor crap!" Yugi immediately started opening all the cabinets and drawers.

"Yugi, stop. They probably have this place bugged." Kitzaku sighed.

"Then I'll find it." Yugi crawled along the floor trying to find the hidden camera. 

Meanwhile, Yami sat on a chair and grabbed a Bridal magazine. "Oh... that dress makes her butt look big. Malik would look so much better in it."

"You fantasize about Malik in a dress?" Kitzaku blinked.

"Sure, why not?"

Kitzaku muttered something under her breath and the doctor finally came in. Yugi immediately got up off the floor and pulled his stethoscope right off of his neck. "Look! I'm doctor Yugi!"

"Yugi, give it back."

"Aw..."

The doctor took back the stethoscope and put it back on. "Hello, I am Dr. Lattimore."

"Dr. Bladder?" Yugi blinked.

"_Lattimore_!"

"Oh."

"Alright, Alicia." Dr. Lattimore started. Both Kitzaku's muses snickered but stopped once Kitzaku glared at them. "Let's take your blood pressure." He put the little thingy on her arm and squeezed it.

"Ooo, her arms gonna pop off!" Yugi jumped up and down. "Cool!" Yami responded by bopping him on the head.

Next, Dr. Lattimore pulled out the ear thing and pointed it in Kitzaku's ears and another one in Kitzaku's mouth. The whole time, Yugi was watching with a growing interest.

"I wanna be a doctor when I grow up!" he jumped up and down as Dr. Lattimore listened to Kitzaku's heart.

"Well, be prepared to have many years of school ahead of you." Dr. Lattimore said.

"Oh." Yugi stopped jumping. "Screw that then."

Dr. Lattimore laughed. "How old are you kid? 10?"

"I'm 14!" Yugi stomped. Yami laughed.

"Yeah and I'm a 5,000 year old Pharaoh."

"You are..." Yugi said.

"Oh yeah!" Yami sweatdropleted.

Dr. Lattimore hit Kitzaku's knees, checking her reflexes. Her left leg shot up and kicked Yugi in the kneecap.

"My spleen!" Yugi clutched his kneecap.

Obviously, Dr. Lattimore was either used to annoying children, or suddenly Kitzaku's muses disappeared in public like they were supposed to, but now he paid them no mind. "That about wraps it up. All that's left is your tetanus shot."

"Alright." Kitzaku said and the doctor left the room.

"That was quick. "Yami commented. "I thought he had to poke around in your pants or something."

"Hentai!" Kitzaku chucked the nearest thing she could find at him. Which happened to be the doctor's Ph.D. certificate. "For your information, physicals are basically to see if you're still alive."

"Right..." Yami rubbed the small welt that was forming on his head.

"Aw, I wanted to pee in a cup." Yugi pouted. At that moment, that nice nurse from before walked in.

"Say, where did your two friends go?" she asked.

"Um, bathroom?" Kitzaku offered. It worked.

"Aw, nice lady can't see us no more." Yugi sniffed.

"Oh, well it's time for your shot." The nurse pulled out one of those funky... wet pad things.

"No! Not a shot!" Yugi screamed on the top of his lungs. "I hate needles!"

Yami smirked. "Needless to say, this little doctor trip has proved you to be a wimp after all."

"Shut up." Yugi whimpered.

The nurse went ahead and gave Kitzaku her tetanus shot.

"You mean it didn't hurt?" Yugi peeked through his fingers.

"No, why should it?" Kitzaku blinked.

"Um, miss? Who are you talking to?" the nurse asked.

"Oh!" Kitzaku blushed. "Just myself!"

"Ok... just hand these to the lady at the desk and she'll copy them." The nurse handed some more papers over.

"Great." Kitzaku groaned and headed out the door, her muses following.

"What Band-Aid did ya get?" Yugi jumped up and down, trying to see.

"It's just a plain brown one."

"Oh, they should make Yu Gi Oh Band-Aids."

Kitzaku laughed and headed the papers to the clerk to get copied. "Ah, more physicals? I'll be glad when this is all over." The clerk grumbled. "Have a nice day!"

Kitzaku nodded and made her way back to the waiting room. Yugi looked around before sliding the Playgirl magazine under his shirt. It was a good thing he was invisible to anyone and everyone but other muses or a selected few authoresses.

Ken stood up. "Ready to go, Li?"

"Yeah..." she motioned for her muses to follow and they headed back towards the van.

"I don't want go back there." Yugi whined. "They were gonna make me pee in a cup."

"They were not." Yami sighed. "I found it a rather pleasant experience."

"Ack, I Still hate the doctor's. Yugi, you got that Ryou magazine?" Kitzaku asked.

"Yup!" He pulled it out form under his shirt. 

"Great, time for blackmail." Kitzaku grinned.

Yami sighed. "Kitzaku, Now is not the time for blackmail. Now that FF.Net is up again, you've got to start writing again."

"Ah, you're right, Yami muse." Kitzaku smiled. "I've got an idea for a really stupid fic that's bound to get some flames."

"Tell me!" Yugi jumped up and down... again.

Kitzaku pushed up imaginary glasses. "My muses accompany me to the doctor's office."

Ending Notes: Um... *blink* 

Yugi Muse: That sounds like such a stupid idea. Who came up with it anyway?

Yami Muse: Actually... Kitty got that one on her own.

Yup! And when I receive many flames from people who say I can't even Mary-Sue right I'll be happy.


End file.
